I cut off every strand ov hair on my head: I NOW have only peachfuzz and I'm shocked at how delicately feminine my features look. I keep playing 54-40's "I Go Blind" over and over becuase the lyrics are so compassionate and poignant.
I'm trying to stay away from crack cocaine but to what purpose?
I believe in Jesus and Mary and God above all: I do not believe in the heterosexist and stuck in the Middle Ages Church.
I want to meet a sweet compassionate loving man whose willing to be my wife. (I demand to be waited on hand and foot; females can be demanding husbands!)
I want to know what happened when I was kidnapped and why my cell' 'phone was broken and why ...
but above all I want to be out ov here! As soon as I get an apartment I'm arranging for rent to be paid directly and I'm going cross-country.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Thanks for the Label
I just want to tell evweryone how much fun it is to be a CERTIFIED NUT. Let's make it clear, I have fuck all to lose! I could start blowing people away in the middle
of the fucking Santa Claus Parade and I wouldn't even have to stand trial for it! I'm not responsible for a godamn thing I do! Freedom!
of the fucking Santa Claus Parade and I wouldn't even have to stand trial for it! I'm not responsible for a godamn thing I do! Freedom!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The Usual Betrayers
St. Felix Centre is right up there with OCAP for backstabbing and whining. Tom is too much ov a coward to back me up for housing by confirming my abuse.
They gave me such a fucking runaround when all they had to do was back me up, sign a simple fucking form to confirm that I'd escaped an abuser and am living in featr ov the fucker finding out where I am.
And let's not forget the cuntlappers and cocksuckers at The Queen West Ctr located at 168 Bathurst. Because I won't tolerate their whiny politically correct shit I've been denied access to my medical records and been cheated out ov my right to housing by all the low-life whining subhumins who work in that dump.
They gave me such a fucking runaround when all they had to do was back me up, sign a simple fucking form to confirm that I'd escaped an abuser and am living in featr ov the fucker finding out where I am.
And let's not forget the cuntlappers and cocksuckers at The Queen West Ctr located at 168 Bathurst. Because I won't tolerate their whiny politically correct shit I've been denied access to my medical records and been cheated out ov my right to housing by all the low-life whining subhumins who work in that dump.
Culmination
I'm nearly at my wits end and yet I feel my prayers may soon be answered. I can up my chances of getting into my real home, my home at 9 Temple Ave Apt. #3 by proving my abuse. Even if I don't get there right away I'll be fine in whatever they give me. I'll just stick with it until my real home becomes available.
I just know I can't take the way I'm living NOW. There's still the same bullshit--I need to get ALL the proof together before this week ends, before 27 July, because ov course there's the usual limitations.
I just know I can't take the way I'm living NOW. There's still the same bullshit--I need to get ALL the proof together before this week ends, before 27 July, because ov course there's the usual limitations.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Avalon
The beauty of Newfoundland and Labrador is unparalelled in this world and that's a fact. Here on the Avalon Peninsula are some of the world's most beautiful sights.
Cape Spear is North America's most easterly point and the site is worth any trouble of going there. Stand still and breathe deep the briny smell of the ocean and listen to thunder of the Atlantic Ocean smashing itself to bits on the cliffside faces...be still and listen with your breath and I swear to God you'll hear the mermaids singing.
Cape Spear is North America's most easterly point and the site is worth any trouble of going there. Stand still and breathe deep the briny smell of the ocean and listen to thunder of the Atlantic Ocean smashing itself to bits on the cliffside faces...be still and listen with your breath and I swear to God you'll hear the mermaids singing.
Monday, May 28, 2007
More Shit In L-IF-E
I have a stupid court appearnce today for sitting at the top of a stairwell to an underground parking garage.
I was threatened with torture and kidnapping by these goofs, not one of which was born in this country.
I find it surreal that Toronto causes so much misery to the disenfranchised members of society and then goes out of its way to employ people who aren't even from here. I've lost track of how often some sub-human foreigner has made fun of me and mocked my pain for being homeless!
Hello!No one in CanaDUH would be unemployed if these fuckers weren't stealing all of our jobs!
WHy don't these subhumans go back to where they came from?
I was threatened with torture and kidnapping by these goofs, not one of which was born in this country.
I find it surreal that Toronto causes so much misery to the disenfranchised members of society and then goes out of its way to employ people who aren't even from here. I've lost track of how often some sub-human foreigner has made fun of me and mocked my pain for being homeless!
Hello!No one in CanaDUH would be unemployed if these fuckers weren't stealing all of our jobs!
WHy don't these subhumans go back to where they came from?
Friday, May 25, 2007
Perceptions
I seriously think that we bend reality to suit our perceptions, or perhaps reality bends itself to those perceptions. In my religion Friday is generally not a good day: Our Lord and Savior was crucified by the very people he tried to save; we avoid meat on pain of mortal sin; we offer up our sufferings; and all prayers are ones of sorrow and contrition.
Since I adopted (or re-adopted) this stance there has been no shortage of humiliations and frustrations to offer up for the sake of lost souls.
Were Fridays all-ways this bad and I've only become aware through my seeking? Or did reality bend itself around my thinking to accomodate my perceptions?
It's the same with my novena prayers for the perfect home. Three times recently I've received key-chains as gifts---as if God and Mary and Jesus and all the saints are dropping me a hint that my novenas are being heeded, and I will soon have use for these keychains.
Time will tell but the way I've been tuned to my personal reality these days makes me cautiously optimistic.
Since I adopted (or re-adopted) this stance there has been no shortage of humiliations and frustrations to offer up for the sake of lost souls.
Were Fridays all-ways this bad and I've only become aware through my seeking? Or did reality bend itself around my thinking to accomodate my perceptions?
It's the same with my novena prayers for the perfect home. Three times recently I've received key-chains as gifts---as if God and Mary and Jesus and all the saints are dropping me a hint that my novenas are being heeded, and I will soon have use for these keychains.
Time will tell but the way I've been tuned to my personal reality these days makes me cautiously optimistic.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Homes Last with Dykie Hag
Streets To Homes is just another beaurocratic fuck up in the endless line of beaurocratic fuck-ups in this city. Because I'm temporarily staying with my twin they are denying me any services saying I don't count as homeless.
Even worse is the horribly misnamed Homes First Society. In the 1990's they ran a place called Street City, where I resided from Sep'92 to May'93.
When I left SC in May I paid my rent and Donna Hagar, the one in charge of the SC Bank pocketed my rent money. I know this becuase HOmes First claims I have an arrears with them: BULL FUCKING SHIT:
DONNA HAGAR IS A COMMON THIEF AND STOLE MY RENT MONEY.
Donna Hagar also seduced vulnerable womyn at SC, telling them she'd gaurantee them housing if they let her fuck them. Most of these womyn were straight but desperate. When she fucked them over for housiong they were too humiliated to tell the truth until one young womon did.
Being bisexual I totally support gay rights, but a straight man would have been fired outright for such a thing. However, Donna Hagar, a theiving disgrace to gay womyn and womyn in general is allowed to keep her job and have positions of power over the most vulnerable womyn in society.
What the fuck is The Homes First Society doing?
This is an outrage.
Even worse is the horribly misnamed Homes First Society. In the 1990's they ran a place called Street City, where I resided from Sep'92 to May'93.
When I left SC in May I paid my rent and Donna Hagar, the one in charge of the SC Bank pocketed my rent money. I know this becuase HOmes First claims I have an arrears with them: BULL FUCKING SHIT:
DONNA HAGAR IS A COMMON THIEF AND STOLE MY RENT MONEY.
Donna Hagar also seduced vulnerable womyn at SC, telling them she'd gaurantee them housing if they let her fuck them. Most of these womyn were straight but desperate. When she fucked them over for housiong they were too humiliated to tell the truth until one young womon did.
Being bisexual I totally support gay rights, but a straight man would have been fired outright for such a thing. However, Donna Hagar, a theiving disgrace to gay womyn and womyn in general is allowed to keep her job and have positions of power over the most vulnerable womyn in society.
What the fuck is The Homes First Society doing?
This is an outrage.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Exclusive Rights
I'm getting heartily sick of certain ethnicities being allowed to put themselves in exclusive groups.
For example, I've been wanting to attend a footcare clinic for some help with my arthritis and other reasons. Today I was informed said clinic is aboriginal-specific. What's up with that? I know, of course, that Native Indians have gone though a lot of bullshit. They've had their land stolen, been betrayed by governments, had their religion and culture mocked and desecrated, and went through all types of abuse at schools. I support the idea of Aboriginals having priority in their own country; however, if Whites set up a Caucasian-Specific organization, we'd be accused of discrimination.
Will this bullshit never end?
For example, I've been wanting to attend a footcare clinic for some help with my arthritis and other reasons. Today I was informed said clinic is aboriginal-specific. What's up with that? I know, of course, that Native Indians have gone though a lot of bullshit. They've had their land stolen, been betrayed by governments, had their religion and culture mocked and desecrated, and went through all types of abuse at schools. I support the idea of Aboriginals having priority in their own country; however, if Whites set up a Caucasian-Specific organization, we'd be accused of discrimination.
Will this bullshit never end?
OCAP Betraying Citizens
I was once an executive member of the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty and damned proud of that membership. In the late 1990's the debacle at the so-called Safe Park had me moving away but lately the beaurocracy at OCAP has been a major turnoff.
I was being held in a place called Vanier Centre For Women from Nov 05 to July 06.
My parents sent me $200 in a Christmas parcel which was stolen by the staff at Vanier. OCAP promised to help me then gave me the royal runaround.
I doubt that this would have happened if I weren't born in this country. They seem to be going out of their way to help anyone non-White.
Yes, everyone deserves fair treatment. I'd never deny that to anyone, but they have gone out of their way to help immigrants in the prison system while ignoring my plight after giving me several indications that I would be helped. There's no way my
being robbed of my money and clothing would have been dismissed if I hadn't been born in this country.
I was being held in a place called Vanier Centre For Women from Nov 05 to July 06.
My parents sent me $200 in a Christmas parcel which was stolen by the staff at Vanier. OCAP promised to help me then gave me the royal runaround.
I doubt that this would have happened if I weren't born in this country. They seem to be going out of their way to help anyone non-White.
Yes, everyone deserves fair treatment. I'd never deny that to anyone, but they have gone out of their way to help immigrants in the prison system while ignoring my plight after giving me several indications that I would be helped. There's no way my
being robbed of my money and clothing would have been dismissed if I hadn't been born in this country.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Pain & Addiction
In my struggle to leave behind crack cocaine I've returned to PAIN tolerance and body modification as a way to release brain chemicals which bring on natural highs. It's not drugs that make you high, but your brain that makes you high.
Yesterday I resisted the urge for crack although I did drink four 10% beers over the day.
When I was finished drinking two of those beers I put two brands on myu arm using a cigarette lighter. The endorphin rush felt good but I wonder if I wasn't cheating by being a bit tipsy when I branded myself.
I should have the courage to do it without being on any chemicals!
Yesterday I resisted the urge for crack although I did drink four 10% beers over the day.
When I was finished drinking two of those beers I put two brands on myu arm using a cigarette lighter. The endorphin rush felt good but I wonder if I wasn't cheating by being a bit tipsy when I branded myself.
I should have the courage to do it without being on any chemicals!
Monday, May 14, 2007
Out of Our Misery
I'm sure plenty of politically correct whiners will flip over this post but I'm saying what I think:
Why are brain-dead people and retards kept alive? There's no need to be cruel to them but they should be given a painless lethal injection and put out of our misery! They consume food and water and air and contribute nothing back. All kinds ofd money gets spent on keeping them alive in their uselessness while people who are highly intelligent and ambitious but also poor get denied. There's no money for subsidized housing, I can't get advocacy anywhere, but there's always money to keep these subnormals fed and clothed. To what purpose? I and many others on the street could be functional, productive members ov society if someone would make a genuine investment in our needs
but there's never anything for us. Meanwhile money is thrown away and resources are used up on those who can give nothing back. This is BULLSHIT: this egalitarian crap has got to go!
Why are brain-dead people and retards kept alive? There's no need to be cruel to them but they should be given a painless lethal injection and put out of our misery! They consume food and water and air and contribute nothing back. All kinds ofd money gets spent on keeping them alive in their uselessness while people who are highly intelligent and ambitious but also poor get denied. There's no money for subsidized housing, I can't get advocacy anywhere, but there's always money to keep these subnormals fed and clothed. To what purpose? I and many others on the street could be functional, productive members ov society if someone would make a genuine investment in our needs
but there's never anything for us. Meanwhile money is thrown away and resources are used up on those who can give nothing back. This is BULLSHIT: this egalitarian crap has got to go!
In Memoriam
My oldest brother Ralph I lost touch with, don't know if he's living or dead. My second oldest brother Brent, dead of a cocaine overdose. My oldest sister Anitra, dying of brain cancer, committed suicide by OD'ing on a mix of alcohol and pills. My next older brother Justin, lost touch, don't know how he is. My next older sister Casey, shot to death in a park during a crack deal gone bad.
My little brother Richard dead of a heroin overdose--it was deliberate.
My twin sister Vicky and mi little sister MJ are the only ones left. I live in perpetual terror of losing them; some times I want to die first to spare myself the horror of losing another loved one.
My little brother Richard dead of a heroin overdose--it was deliberate.
My twin sister Vicky and mi little sister MJ are the only ones left. I live in perpetual terror of losing them; some times I want to die first to spare myself the horror of losing another loved one.
Friday, May 11, 2007
Obsessed With the Swirl
This is going to be a trivial post for some ppl but I don't care.
I adore the red-&-white NutraSweet swirl. I know its been years since most companies that used NutraSweet
switched to that putrid tasting potassium-sulphate blend, and when I find a product with that swirl I practically buy out all the supplies.
I've had issues with food since I was a fat kindergartener waddling home in tears because other little brats were calling me names. For me, that red-&-white swirl symbolised freedom with food, a freedom I sincerely doubt any woman truly takes for granted. If some critic told me I shouldn't be eating that sweet I'd only have to point to the swirl and explain it was sugar-free and low-cal and instantly everyone was off my back.
If anyone misses a product, brand-name, or symbol which is no longer used or rarely found, list it in the comments section.
I adore the red-&-white NutraSweet swirl. I know its been years since most companies that used NutraSweet
switched to that putrid tasting potassium-sulphate blend, and when I find a product with that swirl I practically buy out all the supplies.
I've had issues with food since I was a fat kindergartener waddling home in tears because other little brats were calling me names. For me, that red-&-white swirl symbolised freedom with food, a freedom I sincerely doubt any woman truly takes for granted. If some critic told me I shouldn't be eating that sweet I'd only have to point to the swirl and explain it was sugar-free and low-cal and instantly everyone was off my back.
If anyone misses a product, brand-name, or symbol which is no longer used or rarely found, list it in the comments section.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Gratitude
I am eternally grateful for my fraternal (sororal?) twin sister.
I am grateful I have a brain and use it.
I am grateful to Jesus and Mary for hearing my prayers.
I am grateful to have talent.
I am happy to be me because I sure don't want to be the kind of sub-human garbage by which I'm surrounded!
I am grateful I have a brain and use it.
I am grateful to Jesus and Mary for hearing my prayers.
I am grateful to have talent.
I am happy to be me because I sure don't want to be the kind of sub-human garbage by which I'm surrounded!
Some Thoughts on the Month of May
I hate the month of May: I just want everyone to know that.
I really hate Mother's Day: I spent nineteen years listening to my mother tell me having me was the biggest mistake she ever made, that I was a mistake, that I never should have been born.
Do these stupid advertisers have any idea how triggering their stupid Mother's Day campaigns are? Do they give a flying FUCK how much this Mother's Day crap torments those of us from abusive backgrounds?
I am going to be in absolute unmitigated misery on 13 May---the anniversary of the loss of my cats AND Mother's Day. Great. I'll be spending that day with demons doing obscene gyrations on the dancefloor of my soul: tormenting images of the stupid inferior collar on my cat Frankenstein's leash snapping, me screaming hysterically while some fat construction workers mocked my pain, while Franky dashed into the construction site where I know she was buried alive.
13 May I'll be posting a memoriam for all my loved and lost animal companions, and naming those responsible for their losses.
I really hate Mother's Day: I spent nineteen years listening to my mother tell me having me was the biggest mistake she ever made, that I was a mistake, that I never should have been born.
Do these stupid advertisers have any idea how triggering their stupid Mother's Day campaigns are? Do they give a flying FUCK how much this Mother's Day crap torments those of us from abusive backgrounds?
I am going to be in absolute unmitigated misery on 13 May---the anniversary of the loss of my cats AND Mother's Day. Great. I'll be spending that day with demons doing obscene gyrations on the dancefloor of my soul: tormenting images of the stupid inferior collar on my cat Frankenstein's leash snapping, me screaming hysterically while some fat construction workers mocked my pain, while Franky dashed into the construction site where I know she was buried alive.
13 May I'll be posting a memoriam for all my loved and lost animal companions, and naming those responsible for their losses.
I'll never understand these centres that claim to be Christian while they're going out of their way to be the one to throw the first stone. Didn't Jesus say "Inasmuch as you did it to the least of my brethren you did it to me?" Yet they pour their scorn and contempt on anyone who isn't exactly like them.
Saint Stephen's ( the Corner Drop-In , NOT the church) and Scott Mission are both perfect examples. I have been physically assaulted and threatened by staff at both places, battered, had my property stolen, and been locked out by staff claiming to be serving God. They serve God's opposite number and they should burn in Hell.
I hope every loser who ever assaulted me and my twin burn in eternal Hellfire . I don't feel sorry for them.
This includes ArtHeart which recently threatened me with torture and kidnapping when I asserted my right to defend myself against theives. One of the staff stole my headphones and to protect the guilty party they made up elaborate lies and refused to pay me the recompense they owe me.
Saint Stephen's ( the Corner Drop-In , NOT the church) and Scott Mission are both perfect examples. I have been physically assaulted and threatened by staff at both places, battered, had my property stolen, and been locked out by staff claiming to be serving God. They serve God's opposite number and they should burn in Hell.
I hope every loser who ever assaulted me and my twin burn in eternal Hellfire . I don't feel sorry for them.
This includes ArtHeart which recently threatened me with torture and kidnapping when I asserted my right to defend myself against theives. One of the staff stole my headphones and to protect the guilty party they made up elaborate lies and refused to pay me the recompense they owe me.
Toronto's Worst Drop-Ins
The Worst Drop-Ins Located in Toronto:
The Corner Drop-In:
Staff open donations of food and take the freshest for themselves. Condescending moron called"Ole" or "Olley" has threatened physical assault of clients.
Scott Mission:
I have been physically assaulted by staff there, including having hot soup thrown in my face by a staff member.
The Meeting Place: Manager Brian (the Cyclops) has physicaly assaulted me by twisting my arms behind my back. I have been robbed there by staff and members alike: staff made fun of me after all my clothes were stolen and threatened to call police on me for"upsetting other members."
Staff also broke into my locker and stole all my property, refusing to give me compensation.
Queen West Community Health Centre: For five years I've been refused entry for arguing with a staff who is NO longer there. The Hellth Centre has repeatedly violated my most basic rights in the following manner: They refuse to release medical information that I require in order to find a new GP (I have degenerative arthritis in my back and am in constant pain). They refuse to advocate for me to get subsidised housing after I stayed with an abuser. They have had extra food there which they threw in the garbage rather than let me have it.
Salvation Army: River Street location refused my twin a Christmas hamper because she has cable television. (Is there some connexion here?)
St. John Mission: Accused me of theft and barred me for taking some mini-yogurts (6 out of over 2 dozen) when every one else had their plates heaped with food.
Sistering: The best of a bad lot, Sistering will not deny me meals or transportation, but show excess favouritism to immigrant women and to those who function at a sub-normal mental level.
Thus ends this rant but I'll be back. Comments welcome.
The Corner Drop-In:
Staff open donations of food and take the freshest for themselves. Condescending moron called"Ole" or "Olley" has threatened physical assault of clients.
Scott Mission:
I have been physically assaulted by staff there, including having hot soup thrown in my face by a staff member.
The Meeting Place: Manager Brian (the Cyclops) has physicaly assaulted me by twisting my arms behind my back. I have been robbed there by staff and members alike: staff made fun of me after all my clothes were stolen and threatened to call police on me for"upsetting other members."
Staff also broke into my locker and stole all my property, refusing to give me compensation.
Queen West Community Health Centre: For five years I've been refused entry for arguing with a staff who is NO longer there. The Hellth Centre has repeatedly violated my most basic rights in the following manner: They refuse to release medical information that I require in order to find a new GP (I have degenerative arthritis in my back and am in constant pain). They refuse to advocate for me to get subsidised housing after I stayed with an abuser. They have had extra food there which they threw in the garbage rather than let me have it.
Salvation Army: River Street location refused my twin a Christmas hamper because she has cable television. (Is there some connexion here?)
St. John Mission: Accused me of theft and barred me for taking some mini-yogurts (6 out of over 2 dozen) when every one else had their plates heaped with food.
Sistering: The best of a bad lot, Sistering will not deny me meals or transportation, but show excess favouritism to immigrant women and to those who function at a sub-normal mental level.
Thus ends this rant but I'll be back. Comments welcome.
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
The Real Prejudice
The drop-in and social housing scene is really ridiculous. Everything is for newcomers to the country. All the programs and housing is geared for them.
I'm not a neo-Nazi and I despise the very idea of judging people on the basis of race and so on, but tolerance has to go across the board or it's not tolerance at all. I'll never forget applying for YWCA Housing and being told "Our top prioity is to refugee women." When I argued that I'm homeless and have NO place to go I was told "If you're homeless it means you don't live with an abuser so that doesn't make you a prioity."
Recently I was living with an abuser but social housing won't help me because there are NO police records. I couldn't get the help of the police because my abuser was holding me against my will and threatening to destroy my ID that it took over a year to replace. It was a crackhouse so of course none of those arseholes would help me.
Face it, I'd never experience such blatant discrimination if I weren't White and if I hadn't been born in this country.
I'm not a neo-Nazi and I despise the very idea of judging people on the basis of race and so on, but tolerance has to go across the board or it's not tolerance at all. I'll never forget applying for YWCA Housing and being told "Our top prioity is to refugee women." When I argued that I'm homeless and have NO place to go I was told "If you're homeless it means you don't live with an abuser so that doesn't make you a prioity."
Recently I was living with an abuser but social housing won't help me because there are NO police records. I couldn't get the help of the police because my abuser was holding me against my will and threatening to destroy my ID that it took over a year to replace. It was a crackhouse so of course none of those arseholes would help me.
Face it, I'd never experience such blatant discrimination if I weren't White and if I hadn't been born in this country.
First Post
Life in the crazy lane. How am I supposed to cope?
Once you've been in the mental hellth system you're no longer entitled to your feelings: you no longer have emotions but merely are "displaying symptoms." When you fight it you're just showing "non-compliant behavior."
I'm sick of this bullcrap constantly ruling my l-if-e. I've been kidnapped and tortured so many times for asserting myself, or for getting upset when I've been harrassed. It's NO idle hyperbole to call it kidnapping either: the right to refuse treatment is an inherent part of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms ergo, being taken and held against my will is nothing less than kidnapping and torture.
Once you've been in the mental hellth system you're no longer entitled to your feelings: you no longer have emotions but merely are "displaying symptoms." When you fight it you're just showing "non-compliant behavior."
I'm sick of this bullcrap constantly ruling my l-if-e. I've been kidnapped and tortured so many times for asserting myself, or for getting upset when I've been harrassed. It's NO idle hyperbole to call it kidnapping either: the right to refuse treatment is an inherent part of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms ergo, being taken and held against my will is nothing less than kidnapping and torture.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)