Thursday, February 21, 2013
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Driving out Evil
For a full week I bathed in blood heat water into which was thrown handfuls of hyssop herb. I know YHVH supported my quest for cleansing and forgiveness as I was able to procure a copy of the King James Holy Bible with headings above each of the Psalms. I read aloud Psalm 51, as well as Psalms 7, 50, 38, and 32.
Each time I bathed in the hyssop I would visualize the evil energy and negative forces of the Devil and his minions being absorbed by the hyssop. I allowed myself to experience the feelings of remorse, pain, shame, horror, humiliation, and then I would visualize it going into the herbs and the water being absorbed and then neutralized. I would wash off every last trace of the herb, coming it from my hair, washing it from my body, and visualize the negative energy spiraling down the drain. I need to do that again. YHVH is all-ways with me and giving me clues as to how to xconduct things. Yesterday I was watching an episode of Joel Osteen that I had PVR'd and Joel's sermon was on not getting caught up in people's negativity and that not every battle is yours to fight. If only I had remembered that this past week. G and I both got totally caught up in this flame war on Facebook....I should declared WWJD? and gotten on with my life, not been a total disappointment to my Father and Brother. I mean, who the Hell cares what some bunch of losers on the internet think of me? Jesus will always love and approve of me, YHVH will always be around me and within ime, and even the Blessed Virgin gives me comfort. I have my family.... what have they
Each time I bathed in the hyssop I would visualize the evil energy and negative forces of the Devil and his minions being absorbed by the hyssop. I allowed myself to experience the feelings of remorse, pain, shame, horror, humiliation, and then I would visualize it going into the herbs and the water being absorbed and then neutralized. I would wash off every last trace of the herb, coming it from my hair, washing it from my body, and visualize the negative energy spiraling down the drain. I need to do that again. YHVH is all-ways with me and giving me clues as to how to xconduct things. Yesterday I was watching an episode of Joel Osteen that I had PVR'd and Joel's sermon was on not getting caught up in people's negativity and that not every battle is yours to fight. If only I had remembered that this past week. G and I both got totally caught up in this flame war on Facebook....I should declared WWJD? and gotten on with my life, not been a total disappointment to my Father and Brother. I mean, who the Hell cares what some bunch of losers on the internet think of me? Jesus will always love and approve of me, YHVH will always be around me and within ime, and even the Blessed Virgin gives me comfort. I have my family.... what have they
Kids Get too Much
I'm so fucking sick to death of everything being for kids or old people.
Every God-damned community program is for kids, all the job training programs are for kids and youth, and even foodbanks show favouritism to the useless brats. I've been waiting for a permanent subsidized home since the 90's and I can't get it because I didn't validate my existence by squirting out some cunt-spit. You can't go anywhere and not have it ruined by children--every foodbank, social program, and public place I go is ruined by squalling kids and their over-indulgent parents.
Every God-damned community program is for kids, all the job training programs are for kids and youth, and even foodbanks show favouritism to the useless brats. I've been waiting for a permanent subsidized home since the 90's and I can't get it because I didn't validate my existence by squirting out some cunt-spit. You can't go anywhere and not have it ruined by children--every foodbank, social program, and public place I go is ruined by squalling kids and their over-indulgent parents.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Things I've Learned Since I was Absent from this Blog
1. YHVH is on my side and loves me.
2. Jesus loves me; it's his followers I have trouble with
3. People are my main obstacle to happiness.
4. I have no value for life. The reason I don't shove people in front of oncoming
subways is because I have no wish to delay the train and further inconvenience myself. That's the ONLY reason, really.
5. I enjoy self-mutilation. I love the endorphin rush and I am comfortable with the scars it leaves. If you are UN-comfortable with that, your dis-comfort is YOUR issue. Kindly do not attempt to turn YOUR issues into my issues.
6. Jian Ghomeshi is cruel and sadistic and this fills me with desire. It's only for the power-dynamic, like admiring a thoroughbred Arabian horse from a distance. Once he's rode hard and put away wet all I'll want is to shower and wash the stink off.
7. Customer Service at Bell Canada is as dumb as mud.
8. I'm sick to death of Low-Functioing Losers stealing all the sympathy and attention from me.
9. The Universal Conspiracy Against My Sanity and Happiness continues. My brother Jesus gives me the strength and protection I need, showering me with love and affection that I deserve.
10. The rest of the world can go die. Really.
2. Jesus loves me; it's his followers I have trouble with
3. People are my main obstacle to happiness.
4. I have no value for life. The reason I don't shove people in front of oncoming
subways is because I have no wish to delay the train and further inconvenience myself. That's the ONLY reason, really.
5. I enjoy self-mutilation. I love the endorphin rush and I am comfortable with the scars it leaves. If you are UN-comfortable with that, your dis-comfort is YOUR issue. Kindly do not attempt to turn YOUR issues into my issues.
6. Jian Ghomeshi is cruel and sadistic and this fills me with desire. It's only for the power-dynamic, like admiring a thoroughbred Arabian horse from a distance. Once he's rode hard and put away wet all I'll want is to shower and wash the stink off.
7. Customer Service at Bell Canada is as dumb as mud.
8. I'm sick to death of Low-Functioing Losers stealing all the sympathy and attention from me.
9. The Universal Conspiracy Against My Sanity and Happiness continues. My brother Jesus gives me the strength and protection I need, showering me with love and affection that I deserve.
10. The rest of the world can go die. Really.
Newbies newbies newbies
Well hai sweet cheeks didja all miss me buttercups?
Okay, I know my last post left all my followers worried but no fear, I have overcome the world through relying on Jesus and not on religion.
I hate most people. I mean, shit, look at Jian Ghomeshi. I send him reguaklr supportive Tweets and never get a response but let me disagree with his use of the word "genius' and then he's not too busy to snark at me. I'm angry at myself for hero-worshiping losers and wasting my efforts on people who go out of their way to hurt me.
So onto other things. I'm STILL as crazy as a shithouse rat and still MAD proud of it. I just don't much go for Made Pride stuff like the stupid bed push which is just BS, but if you like it, go for it. Cacon a son gout. well, shit that last sentence was supposed to italicise. Fuck it.
Okay, I know my last post left all my followers worried but no fear, I have overcome the world through relying on Jesus and not on religion.
I hate most people. I mean, shit, look at Jian Ghomeshi. I send him reguaklr supportive Tweets and never get a response but let me disagree with his use of the word "genius' and then he's not too busy to snark at me. I'm angry at myself for hero-worshiping losers and wasting my efforts on people who go out of their way to hurt me.
So onto other things. I'm STILL as crazy as a shithouse rat and still MAD proud of it. I just don't much go for Made Pride stuff like the stupid bed push which is just BS, but if you like it, go for it. Cacon a son gout. well, shit that last sentence was supposed to italicise. Fuck it.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
FUCK THE WORLD AND EVERYONE IN IT
I hate God. I trashed my ugly apartment, smashed all my so-called holy candles, tore up my rosary and scapular, and smashed the portrait of st. jude I purchased. I hate God. I hate him compleatly and I want everyone to know it.No one has suffered like I suffer. I wish everyone would experience to the horror and humiliation I've been put through. I wish everyone would die and get out of my fucking way.
Friday, September 3, 2010
The Trashmen : Surfin' Bird ( 1963 )
Never mind the lyrics it's the style that counts. I think the lead singer's voice is incredibly sexy and the fast, run romp of the music is irresistible! I wanna learn to play drums like that.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
An Anchor of Hope in an Ocean of Despair
My life is in a crisis as is my soul. I love the physical beauty of my neighborhood yet I am in despair due to the trashy people who occupy it. Poverty forces me to live in a horrible building overrun by drug addicts, welfare mothers, white trash and such lowlifes as can only provoke in me such a feeling of contempt and revulsion that I can hardly bear it.
They attempt to harass me: my response is withering scorn and the calm, steady contempt I feel in the presence of those who make no effort to better themselves or their lives.
Yet I felt overwhelmed simply because I feel so outnumbered by society, this society which I despise with its emphasis on dragging me down to its lowest common denominator.
I am a religious womon and I believe God led me to pick up a copy of Ayn Rand's "Return of the Primitive" where I read her brilliant essay "The Age of Envy".
While I disagree with some of her politics and her atheism, I feel I have a soul mate in Miss Rand's hatred of egalitarianism and altruism . I recognized myself in her description of those who despise unearned success. I recognize in her essay the description of the decay of morale for I myself have lived it and I am experiencing blind hatred for anything and everything, simply because the society in which I am forced to live is crushing my soul and denying me the fuel I need to continue.
Yet the reading of this essay gives me profound hope and the fuel I need for my spirit. I once again can confirm my love of myself and my life not as it is but as it ought to be and I once again have the affirmation that the greatest sin I could commit is to resign myself to handing my life over to those I despise.
God bless Ayn Rand. The world needs more who think as she thought.
They attempt to harass me: my response is withering scorn and the calm, steady contempt I feel in the presence of those who make no effort to better themselves or their lives.
Yet I felt overwhelmed simply because I feel so outnumbered by society, this society which I despise with its emphasis on dragging me down to its lowest common denominator.
I am a religious womon and I believe God led me to pick up a copy of Ayn Rand's "Return of the Primitive" where I read her brilliant essay "The Age of Envy".
While I disagree with some of her politics and her atheism, I feel I have a soul mate in Miss Rand's hatred of egalitarianism and altruism . I recognized myself in her description of those who despise unearned success. I recognize in her essay the description of the decay of morale for I myself have lived it and I am experiencing blind hatred for anything and everything, simply because the society in which I am forced to live is crushing my soul and denying me the fuel I need to continue.
Yet the reading of this essay gives me profound hope and the fuel I need for my spirit. I once again can confirm my love of myself and my life not as it is but as it ought to be and I once again have the affirmation that the greatest sin I could commit is to resign myself to handing my life over to those I despise.
God bless Ayn Rand. The world needs more who think as she thought.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Who Else is Sick of Haiti?
SO who managed to piss off the voodoo Gods of Haiti, anyway? Holy fuck, I am so sick to death of hearing about this stupid earthquake!
The worst is the flood of refugees it's going to bring over here, as if there weren't enough of those stealing jobs and housing from natural-born Canadians. FUCK!
Canada has millions of dollars to give to them in aid but refuses to dedicate 1% of the federal budget to end homelessness. I have friends sleeping under bridges who need aid and support. Where's all the spectactular displays of public compassion for THEIR suffering?
The worst is the flood of refugees it's going to bring over here, as if there weren't enough of those stealing jobs and housing from natural-born Canadians. FUCK!
Canada has millions of dollars to give to them in aid but refuses to dedicate 1% of the federal budget to end homelessness. I have friends sleeping under bridges who need aid and support. Where's all the spectactular displays of public compassion for THEIR suffering?
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Drop-Ins Are Shit Except For One
The only "drop-in" I've ever enjoyed is Among Friends. Every other one is whiny and caters to retards. There's almost no chance for an intelligent, high-functioning persun such as myself to fit in at these places. Drop-ins cater to the lowest common denominator and never encourage or help anyone to better themselves.
So-called employment programs are just as bad. Most of them are for basic stuff like creating your cv and getting through the interview (I already have those skills).
Also, most so-called employment programs favour immigrants and people with kids.
Fortunately Jumpstart had what I was looking for in terms of helping me.
I suppose the lesson here is that you have to keep searching through the muck and shit to find the diamond that makes it worthwhile.
So-called employment programs are just as bad. Most of them are for basic stuff like creating your cv and getting through the interview (I already have those skills).
Also, most so-called employment programs favour immigrants and people with kids.
Fortunately Jumpstart had what I was looking for in terms of helping me.
I suppose the lesson here is that you have to keep searching through the muck and shit to find the diamond that makes it worthwhile.
Finally!
I finally started having some good luck for a change. October is my favourite month. I found $50 at Gus Ryder Gym a few days ago and then yesterday I finally got employment after thirteen years. It's just one day week but for once i wasn't judged for having been unemployed for so many years.
I'll be working as a cleaner in a jewellery store at Bayview and Cummer. I'll be making $120 per month and I like the structure.
Of course I 'phoned my stupid ODSP worker and she hasn't called me back. I'll have to call them back on Tuesday. I'm supposed to get $100 extra on my cheque although the deduct half my income. I'll get $160 per month if they get off their asses.
I'm also entitled to a start up allowance to get clothes for my job. I need coveralls and shoes.
I'll be working as a cleaner in a jewellery store at Bayview and Cummer. I'll be making $120 per month and I like the structure.
Of course I 'phoned my stupid ODSP worker and she hasn't called me back. I'll have to call them back on Tuesday. I'm supposed to get $100 extra on my cheque although the deduct half my income. I'll get $160 per month if they get off their asses.
I'm also entitled to a start up allowance to get clothes for my job. I need coveralls and shoes.
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